I'm an intelligent woman: Why can't I get mental health care?

It occurs to me that there is something seriously wrong with the consumerism of mental health care.  Or rather, the serious lack of consumerism.
In the past 18 months, I've reached out four times to professionals for help with my depression.  And four times I've failed completely.

Once I was told "I'm not taking new patients."

Once I was told "I don't take your insurance."

Once I was told that my new insurance company "isn't in it for the long haul" and the doctor didn't want to start counseling if it'd get cut off eventually.

And this last time, I received a big fat nothing.  Silence.  No returned phone call.

I was talking with a friend the other day about a woman she knows who has hit rock bottom in her depression, and needed to get help quickly.  But she didn't know where to turn.  But isn't this something everyone knows?  I mean, if I have an oddly shaped mole I know to call a dermatologist.  I know I need to see a dentist about my broken crown.  I know when I need a physical therapist or orthopedic surgeon.

I figured that I hadn't known where to turn because of my perpetual trouble figuring out the US health insurance system.   But I think ignorance is wider spread that I thought.  And I think it's because we simply don't talk about it.  Mental health issues are incredibly widespread (hands up if you've been diagnosed depressed, having a panic disorder, suffering from an eating disorder ... you get the picture), but there's a shame to them.  So people don't talk out loud about what specialists they saw, or what medications they're on.

Please understand that I'm not advocating for TMI here.  Please keep your strangely shaped mental moles to yourself.  But don't be afraid to acknowledge what you're going through.  Don't be afraid to share with your friends and family.

Why?  Because the other day the same friend called me and asked for the name of a doctor - any doctor.  Any name and number she could put in front of her friend to provide at least once direction in which she could turn. If I'd known someone to ask for recommendations, maybe I won't now have to make a fifth phone call - all difficult calls to make and all coming at some of the lowest points in past 18 months.

Which brings me to my second point.  Why can't I get more information about the options open to me?  I get a name of a specialist.  I google that name  About all I can find out is an address.  I'm not saying I want personal reviews - they're about as helpful as reading that a pair of shoes feel too tight for person X when my feet are completely different shaped.  But some information would be extremely helpful.  What is there area of specialty?  Is it eating disorders? Adolescent health? Are they a marathon runner and therefore understand my athletic background and how that can be used as a form of treatment?  Rough age?  Some kind of a personal statement on their treatment philosophy or methodology?

And what about demystifying it all for me?  I've never done this before - what's going to happen?  What will we talk about?  What happens if it's not working for me?  What's the difference and the pros and cons of psychiatrist vs psychologist vs therapist?

When you're depressed, you're effectively paralysed.  It's difficult to even get out of bed let alone make a leap into the scary and unknown world of therapy.  And it is scary - partially because it's unknown.  I want to know what to expect.  And I don't want to go to just anyone.  I want to at least be able to make some kind of informed choice - as a consumer - of who to reach out to.

Why is it so so difficult to get help?  Really, it shouldn't be.

Here we go again - wish me luck!